Tuesday, December 16, 2008
(Sold Out) Educational Tapes 002: BITCH RAT "Taste the Whip/This Time You Die"
If you thought you saw witch hat this summer, you actually saw Bitch Rat. Ha Ha Ha, the jokes on YOU!!!
take a trip with us back to middle school, we'll teach you how to chug in more ways than one. Ha Ha, play this tape loud and only when your parents are in ear shot, trust me it works magic! the first side "taste the whip" will leave your flesh blistered, and ready for the berating you'll get from the second side "this time you die." Educational Tapes is proud to present this deluxe document of Bitch Rat, never to be seen or heard again. This release includes a silk screened chipboard slip-case, 16 page xeroxed booklet, and 62 minutes of nu hat. Featuring those top 40 hits:
"Hell Yeah"
"Blood Queen"
"Diesel Power" and
"Problem Child"
strict edition of 50 copies.
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(Sold Out) Educational Tapes 001: LLORT3 "Poop Shoot Riot/Hard Corps."
whether you liked or didn't like LLORT #1, you will like LLORT3, trust me. Take a ride with a ghoulies band, let them show you the ends and outs of your toilet. heh heh, then they'll drop you off at the local foam party, where you can suck on glow sticks and stew in the dirtiest techno you've ever heard. Educational Tapes presents LLORT3, Deluxe packaging includes screen printed chipboard slip-case, with a 16 page booklet screenprinted in brown ink! with a 62minute cassette.
This tape features those irresistable hits like:
"WE DON'T LET"
"Spray Me Down" and
"Ghoulies 3 (my armpits smell like paint)"
real sticky and strictly limited to 50 copies.
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Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Disappearing in a Fog
After a couple of weeks of rain, the sky opened up and we decided to caravan our little behinds out to
Evan on The Real Thing
I ran laps on my favorite problem ever, The Real Thing, while Dom sent the crouch start to One Summer, and Jimmy ticked off Drill Sergeant and the broken version of Busted. We all eventually gathered around a cool problem called Feel The Pinch and everyone in the group worked on de- mystifying the sequence, nice send Jeremy! I gave my work horse a few beatings, which means I did The Shield a couple of times (get your mind out of the gutter!!). We also gave Cruise Control a go or two before eventually heading to the uppers.
Dom reaches on Cruise Control
Upper forestland is where it is at! Huge boulders with tons of problems on them. We ran laps on Lovage, one of the best anywhere, I committed to the highball slab Fedge, as well as everyone else, and then we slapped the heinous slopers of The Physical around for a while.
Mika tops out Fedge as we all gawk in amazement.
These three pictures are all of The Physical:
Jesse
Mika
Dom
We then moved to a sweet round boulder with sweet round slopers and incut jugs. We ran laps once again on Sunny and Steep, and then a few of us managed Funny and Cheap, a sweet dynamic problem with awesome slopey holds and rails. A good time was had by all, and while I didn’t manage to really get into the hardcore focus of sending anything gnarly, I loved just climbing all of these wonderful boulder problems. I have a new found respect for Forestland and will always love the boulders here.
The crew.
We packed up with very little skin left and headed to the Scrambled Egg boulder. More good times ensued as we sent a cool slab thingy, and a sweet little slopey arête next to it. Then everyone gathered around Twisted Stone and wasted what remaining skin they had left by crimping hard and slapping for victory on the perfect grained slopers and crimps of this light blue giant. It was a good way to end the day and I’m excited about getting back out here in the Spring.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
An Unnaturally Good Time...
WOW! It’s almost November but today you would have thought it was more like the middle of September. With temps in the 60’s we headed out to uncover some of the sleeping boulder problems that lay in wait for us at the polar opposite of Little si, Rattlesnake Lake. Turn left and hit up the closest sport crag, turn right and hit up the most accessible bouldering spot that doesn’t take a half a tank of gas to get to from Olympia. The water had receded enough to uncover one of the more popular boulders of the area, one I have dubbed the Snake Head boulder. It won’t win any photo contests, it looks kind of like a huge dog turd, but it does have some incredibly fun and worthwhile boulder problems that all have at least three or four variations that will keep you climbing for hours. Or at least thirty minutes. The wind kicked up here and there and if you weren’t careful, either your pad or your possessions were going to be floating away, only to be fish food in the near future. We had the two man pad spotting system down, two guys on the pads to make sure they didn’t blow away while one of us climbed. We kicked around on some classics, all the Poison Prow variations went down, and then we turned over to the other side of the boulder where Dom and Jimmy sent Venom, a classic and one of the coolest V.6 boulder problems this area has to offer. After getting sick of the random wind gusts we headed off to the forest where I had been on a reconnaissance mission and found some pretty decent boulders, or one boulder to be exact. I had done a cool traverse on it before and it turned out there was much more potential on almost every side of this beast.
Ain't she purty?
We walked down the side of the lake and then up into the forest where we gawked and scrubbed the fuck out of this crappy rock until we uncovered a few sweet lines. Jimmy started off the afternoon with a sweet flash ascent of what we ended up calling the Unatural Traverse and graded it V.6. Next we uncovered a more direct start to the traverse that started in the overhang on some sweet underclings and slapped its way out of the overhang and on to the overhung arête to finish as for the unnatural traverse. Jimmy nabbed the first ascent of this one as well and Dom and I struggled to put it together while Jimmy ran around with the steel brush scrubbing here and there and uncovering a few more lines.
Jimmy on Streamliner(V.7)
We all did a V.4 called The Little Room, and Jimmy pieced together what might be the hardest problem on the boulder that he is calling Naturalista and might go at V.8/9, but will have to wait for an ascent next time. There were two other V.4’s that we established and a whole hell of a lot of other variations, link ups, and direct finishes/starts to add to the roster.
Jimmy on one the few V.4's he uncovered, Blood Diamond
Me projecting Streamliner
Now before you go tromping around the woods of the Rattlesnake Lake recreations area looking for these aforementioned gems, let me put out a disclaimer: This is our bouldering spot! Don’t go ruining our possible FA’s and blowing up the spot with your portable I-pod boom boxes and your stupid girlfriends whose only job is to sit around and take pictures of your rippling muscles and your petty climbing achievements. I’m just kidding of course! Have at it, but I’ll have you know, the rock quality is one of the worst I have ever climbed on. In the midst of brushing, cleaning, and climbing these problems we tore off a good amount of hand and foot holds and a lot of them are ready to pop at this very moment, even if you look at them hard. Anyway, we had a blast cleaning our first boulder, or at least my first boulder, and some of these lines are worth a trip back here.
Dom on Streamliner
Besides the wind, Jimmy’s jacket getting blown into the lake, and the crumbly shit rock, I look forward to returning and finishing a few of the lines we started today. Who knows? We may find more crumbly gems hidden somewhere in the vicinity, but for right now, this will have to do for the closest outside bouldering fix. Yay for Rattlesnake lake!!!!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
We Didn't Go to Oktoberfest, We ARE Oktoberfest
Dom and I worked on the low start to the problem that Laura had just got, but it was more of a challenge for me because I’m so good that sometimes I forget that boulder problems that don’t have double digits still require some effort. Anyway, we scampered around the boulders in this area for a while running into large amounts of people blaring music and sitting around like hippies at Woodstock. I was a little ashamed of our laissez faire attitudes when some weathered tradsters came around the corner and gave us looks of disgust. That’s right tradsters, I like to sit around on my ass staring at three move problems that don’t get any higher than three or four feet off the ground and still consider myself a bad ass. Are you taking notes?
We ended our Mad Meadows feast and stymied it to another boulder crag. This next spot is a doozy! A beautiful boulder perched right on the side of the road. A rounded looking beast that has a rocky landing and a permanent love affair with a tree. It was perched on a semi mound of earth that fettered away from it’s position leaving a downward rolling ascent to anyone who dared spit off of it’s grainy slopers. I had tried the problem before but my instincts pulsated with the stench of death so I backed down. I always drove by this boulder and stared in amazement and vowed one day to grow the balls to slay the beast. Today the air was thick with testosterone and everyone seemed to be in a carnal state of mind so I fucking sent it!
Me being a straight up poser!! Twister(V.7)
But let’s rewind the tape a bit. We showed up and Dom was psyched to try a V.4 and a V.6 as well as the V.7 that I was chomping at the bit to do. We both sent the V.4 and since I had already sent the V.6 I watched as Dom killed it with ease. A really cool problem that has one of the nicest crimps in the world and a cool heel hook as well. Now that we’re all caught up, the problem that I was referring to earlier is called Twister and takes the center stage of the boulder’s face. It follows a slopey line of ,well, slopers, to a series of hard shouldery moves on crimps, then a nice little throw for a good shelf and jug. After that you just have to get the foot high and reach up to more flat jugs and the top. It was hard. When the feet cut and you’re only holding on to small crimps you start to wonder if its worth a possible torn ligament, but then you think of the adoration and all the fans and groupies you’ll have once you send the problem and descend into Leavenworth history! Besides all that nonsense it was a fucking good problem and definitely one of my top five favorite boulder problems that I have ever touched, let alone sent.
Monday, October 6, 2008
PROWLA
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Bob's Your Uncle
Who the hell is Bob anyway? I kept repeating this phrase over and over again to myself on the laborious trek up a steep Mt. Washington trail for two and half miles, until, finally, Dom and I arrived at the first crag’s turn off trail. A small wall dubbed the Chainsaw Wall with only a few routes from .10b to .12a. This was my third time overall at the infamous Bob’s area and I can remember always being impressed with the routes and the rock quality, the latter being somewhat of a phenomenon in this particular area. At Chainsaw wall we warmed up on a route that we had both done before a really good, technical and balancy .10c. There was a variation that went out right on a short and steep face that neither Dom nor I had tried before so Dom went for the onsight. Marking a few hidden holds for me I stepped up to the plate and managed to flash it, a particularly awesome route. The texture of the rock and the sweet edges and crimps up this slightly overhung face were well worth the hike and made for a good start to the day.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thye Hidden Secrets of the East, That Aren't Quite That Secret
Do you like rattlesnakes, mice, mating yellow jackets, three different kinds of steppe, dry climates, basalt pillars, chunky arêtes, juggy face climbs, powerful sport climbs, moderate trad climbing, no bathrooms, and the worlds greatest boulder problem? Then you’ll love Frenchman Coulee, a nice sport/trad climbing area just east of the tiny town of Vantage. Don’t let my stark sarcasm fool you, my recent trip to one of the many climbing areas Washington state has to offer was certainly not a bad one. After bouldering for damn near a solid month and a half; which may or may not sound long to you depending on the type of climber you consider yourself to be, and with the start of school right around the corner my good friends Dom and Laura as well as myself(duh) headed off to this wondrous place in the east. I had never been to Frenchman Coulee before, but Dom and Laura both had been twice so I considered myself lucky to have such knowledgeable people along to guide my innocent, yet callused finger tips up and over the brown, white, black and sometimes orange jugs, crimpers, slots and slopers Frenchman Coulee had to offer. We arrived around late afternoon on a Wednesday to the free camping. It was spread out and even though it was quite open had a somewhat secluded feel to it. We started the half faded day out at an area called the Sunshine Wall.
Laura half way up on Easy Off(5.10c)
Dom and Laura just hangin' out.
A perfectly laid out set of skinny rectangular shaped basalt pillars lined the trail and their three dimensional shapes provided great corners, faces, and arêtes with many features, or none at all. I was lead to a route called Easy Off, a stellar looking line that made its way up an arête with positive holds for a good 70 feet. It was an extremely consistent climb, jug, jug, crimp, jug, jug, crimp. I really liked the nature of the climb and the fact that it was long and well bolted made it very enjoyable. So far a good way to start the trip. We walked along the trail for some time checking out the rest of the area climbing one more route until we decided to check out a crag just below the trail that had a very different type and style of climb.
The Indiana Jones style approach to the Sunshine Wall.
One of the first routes reached at the Sunshine Wall and definitely one of the most popular.
An unknown climber on Ride Em' Cowboy(5.9)
The Jigsaw Wall looked like a bunch of oddly shaped blocks had been glued together and thrown up against the hillside, steep on some parts but always mellowing out near the top. I liked the look of the climbs and went for the first route that the guide said was the best on the wall, a route called Effortless. The whole wall was relatively shorter than the upper Sunshine Wall area but this little climb definitely packed it in. An easy start that got pretty difficult around the middle and then tapered off towards the chains. I tried to make my onsight attempt look stylish but I think it was more entertaining than anything else as I drop kneed, barn doored, and slapped for holds that were better than what I was making them look like. I clipped the chains and came down with such an awful pump that I thought I would be done for the rest of the trip.
Dom flashing Effortless(5.11c)
Another picture of Dom on Effortless as the sun sets.
Dom floated up it making it look like it was 5.9 and not 5.11c and then we tried the route right next to it that had a hard boulder problem start. Well after all that bouldering you would think I would have this in the bag, but I fell a couple of times and sat back and watched as Dom mastered this route gracefully as well. We ran around and checked out more routes and then headed back to camp as the sun disappeared over the barren horizon. We had a pretty good fire that night and a good sleep where I dreamed I was playing golf with Happy Gilmore.(?????????)
The steppe of Frenchman Coulee
The next day we, or should I say I, had my sights on some harder routes. I was dead set on sending a .12a and the guide book described an area called the Powerhouse as having a stellar .12a called King of the Ruins. It was on. We headed across an open plain where Laura almost stepped on a rattlesnake and I screamed like a girl. After that my nerves were a little rattled(get it?), and I never truly recovered, I even freaked out as I sat down to tie my shoes and someone’s water bottle touched my back. I lurched forward fearing the worst only to come face to face with a deadly Crystal Geyser!! We all warmed up on a great 5.9 called Power Puff and then I got shut down on a 5.11 arete that Dom dominated, nice one Dom that looked tough! I finally decided to just go for it and geared up for the onsight of King of the Ruins. I have to say I was pretty impressed with this wall, it was similar to the Jigsaw wall but steeper and had streaks of black, white, grey, brown and orange running up it. King of the Ruins climbs up an easy face to a powerful yet small roof, and then a crimpy headwall to an easy finish. I made it past the roof but got it good on the head wall when I pumped out looking for a jug. I clipped the rest of the bolts and came down excited to try and get it my second go. I gave the play by play to Dom as he calmly climbed through the roof and crimped up the head wall with a nice flash.
Laura on Power Puff(5.9)
Me on King of the Ruins(5.12a)
Dom burls through the roof as he flashes King of the Ruins.
Another picture of Dom on KOTR.
I tried to de-pump and felt good on my next attempt, making it farther than my last go but just fell off right before the good jug and the road to victory. I tried it once again but was not really in the mood and called it quits pulling my draws off in dismay. We ended our time at the Powerhouse on a sweet .10d that I forget the name of but involved some sort of future move which none of us did. Feeling a bit wiped we headed for camp and lunch.
That evening we walked the short distance to the Feathers area and did some really nice 5.8-5.10 routes that were excellent and of the utmost quality in my opinion. We were accompanied by a group of local(?) climbers who talked loudly of their conquests, sexual or drug related, as they drank beer from a large cooler and soloed up chossy bits of rock trying to show off for their over dressed girl friends who sat cross legged and looked nothing less than bored. If anything, the best routes I did here had to be a sweet slightly overhung 5.9 face climb called Satan’s Wagon(?), and a sick arête/face climb that went at 5.10b but I forget the name. These routes are just as classic as anything I’ve done anywhere and should not be missed if you are going to this area.
Laura on a sweet 5.8 at the Feathers.
Me making the clip on another great route at the Feathers.
Dom ends the day on a 5.9 arete.
That night we had a roaring fire that lasted longer than we did and met a climber from Renton named Dave. He was out here by himself after getting rained out at Index and was projecting a super steep super long boulder problem with an X-rated top out over death scree. He said it was the best boulder problem in the state(??!!!!!??!!!) I can’t be sure if he was just drunk or trying to convince us to come down there with him the next day to spot but whatever it was it worked. The next day I found myself lugging my triple crash pad, which I had only brought in order to sleep on, across the sketchiest trail I have been on. A steep, loose, scree patch that eventually dumped us off on a sandy open plain dotted with sage brush and clumps of tall yellow grass. After a bit of walking we ended up at the mouth of a steep semi-cave and Dave set about showing us the beta. Nice movement and footwork led to an okay rest on a sloper at the midway point before sending you into a series of knee bars and pointy underclings to the so-called ‘lip’ which then led to a chossy looking top out that could have easily topped 30 or 40 feet. Dom flashed the problem to it’s midway point, I flailed helplessly on every move, and Dave almost linked it. Now I’m not known for my ‘hating’ attitude and there was a lot to hate about this morning so far, but in all honesty the boulder problem itself was actually really good, and if the top out was feasible it probably would be ‘one of’ the best boulder problems in the state…maybe. However I would have rather spent my morning on the rope and after making it back to camp we all just decided to go home, exhausted, dirty, and(speaking for myself) a bit defeated and greatly humbled.
So, to wrap up the trip, my first experience at Vantage or Frenchman Coulee, whatever you prefer to call the area, was great and I will definitely be back soon. I have a better understanding of the mentality required for most of the areas, approaches, camping, and so on and so forth. I’m psyched to have visited another great area in the state; now I’m gonna’ go work on my endurance, recovery, stamina, fear of poisonous creatures, and ability to take dumps while pressed up against a sandy boulder.